EP #30 | How to Get out of the Perfectionist Trap

Welcome to the Designers Oasis podcast. I'm your host, Kate Bendewald, interior designer, mama, and CEO of a thriving interior design business, built on authentic word-of-mouth referrals. It wasn't that long ago that I stepped away from my corporate architecture job to build my own dream, one that would allow me more time with the people that I love, the ability to serve my clients at the highest level and to make a great living. It wasn't always easy, and I've made my share of mistakes along the way. Fast forward to today, and I've learned a thing or two. This podcast is for you - the inspired, creative, ambitious, and let's admit it,  occasionally overwhelmed interior designer who shares this dream of transforming lives by transforming homes. Join me and my guests each week as we walk through practical ways to build an interior design business you love, and help you transform your client's lives. You can do this. 

All right. Hi there. Welcome back to the Designers Oasis Podcast. This is your host, Kate Bendewald, I hope you're having an absolutely gorgeous day, wherever you are, whatever you might be doing while you're listening, or watching this episode. Today, we are talking about something that has been on my mind quite a bit lately, this idea of the perfectionist trap, and how we find ourselves in it and how to get out of it, I am just really starting to realize that I have been a victim of the perfectionist trap and that it has slowed me down in so many ways. And so I really have been doing some reading and thinking about this. And I wanted to talk about it because I know that I can't be the only one who finds myself sort of feeling stuck or inadequate to do something because I'm afraid that it's not going to be perfect. So what I have found is that is really boils down to something pretty simple, at least for me, it's this idea that we are in a way exposed to these pain free narratives of others, through social media or television or whatever, while simultaneously feeling acutely aware of or acutely feeling and experiencing our own struggles. And because they're happening at the same time. That's where we get this like feeling of, you know, I'm never going to be good enough, or I'm never going to be to that level, or whatever the case may be. 

So, you know, again, it's, for me, it has been driven a lot by comparing myself to what I see out there to my muses, or my inspiration or other people or ideas that I strive for, and just realizing that, you know, they didn't get there overnight in the same way that I didn't get to where I am overnight. But sometimes we're just exposed to those kind of pain free narratives. And that's not the full picture. So what I realized is that, you know, getting to where you want to be isn't this pole vault, right? It's just, it's a set of stairs and you're taking one imperfect step at a time. So maybe you find yourself struggling with overthinking things, overthinking everything and simply not trusting yourself. So this is what can cause perfectionism to creep in and keep you stuck. 

There are in couple of different types of perfectionism that can show up and it might not be the same for you It can show up in different ways for different people. So one is this idea of product perfectionism, which is, I, you know, as an interior designers, interior designers, we can maybe think about, like pulling together a project for a client, right? It takes longer than expected because you haven't scoured every square inch of the internet. And you're sure that the perfect selection is still waiting on you, can you relate to this, I know I've got my hand in the air. You can't make mistakes, you got to get it right, you've got to get it perfect. 

Process perfectionism. I used this example in a few episodes ago, because it's one that's been creeping up. In conversations inside the designers always this membership, which is a process perfectionism, an example that I use is using dubsado. dubsado is my favorite Client Onboarding Tool. And using used correctly, it can you can set up these workflows that are automated, that allow your prospective clients to have this really graceful first experience with you, where everything is streamlined and automated. And it really takes a tremendous load off of your time when you have those workflows working, right. But the challenge that a lot of the designers have mentioned is that they're afraid that they're not getting their workflows, right, and that any client is going to get the wrong email, or it's gonna get sent at the wrong time, or a link is not going to work, so on and so forth. All these things that are keeping them stuck. And the whole point of the software is that it keeps you from having to do manual tests. So when they're not putting together these workflows, they're just individually sending out a proposal, an invoice, contract, they're not leaning into the full value of the software, and this. So what I've been telling them is, you know, first of all, people are going to be more graceful than you might realize. So what if they get something that maybe looks a little off, you just apologize for it, figure out what went wrong, and it's going to help you fix it, you may even want to put a little blurb at the end of your emails that say, Hey, you know, do this for a little bit, hey, there's something in this email look off, let us know here and then a click a link to email you. But to just get those workflows going, and maybe you just start small, but you know, this anxiety, procrastination connection starts to build. Because you're so afraid you don't have a process figured out entirely. And, you know, dubsado is just one example. There, there are all sorts of examples in terms of how we set up and organize our design processes that might feel make us feel stuck in a certain area.

Another area is the comparison trap. And the comparison trap might show up in a way like this, where maybe you don't show your website, you're afraid just to send people to your website because you're embarrassed of how it looks or it's not perfect. Or maybe you don't post on social media because you don't like how you look or sound. You You're you're comparing yourself to you know, everybody else out there and so you're, you're staying stuck. And I I find this to be true for myself but playing small, right? You're, you're playing small because you are comparing yourself when the reality is that you have a tremendous amount of potential. And you are we're gonna talk in a minute about a way to kind of combat that but it's this idea that you know, you're comparing yourself against people who maybe have been doing this for so much longer than you and they certainly didn't get everything right straight out of the gate. So that's the comparison trap as another perfectionist tendency that we need to be mindful of. 

And then there's also self perfectionism. Maybe you pitched a project to Architectural Digest, and they didn't pick it up. Maybe you you know, wanted to win a design award, this idea that if you didn't get the, get the lead, get the pitch, get the whatever, that it's all you know, for nothing, right? So does that mean you just stopped pitching to all the magazines because it didn't get picked up by like this top level feature that you wanted? No, you can find other avenues to continue to showcase your work towards and try to get it published in a different magazine this time. 

So I Okay, so this is funny. Perfectionist over here, recovering perfectionist, I'm going to use my own use of ums. Podcasting as an example. I don't make a habit of going back and listening to my podcast episodes, because because I don't like the way that I sound it. I did it recently. And I was so embarrassed by the number of times that I heard myself say, and I was just like, that's just sounds terrible. I shouldn't be podcasting. Right? I just got into this mindset that I was doing it all wrong. And, and, you know, what if I just turned around and was like, That's it, I'm not gonna podcast anymore. Because I can't stop saying, you know, the reality is, it made me aware of my you know, this, this speaking tic that I basically have, and I think a lot of people have, especially when they're just kind of free flowing and talking. But I said to myself, You know what, I'm going to work on improving this I'm going to work on when I'm podcasting, trying to be more conscientious about my thoughts and my flows. And just taking a second to pause if I need to think about something. I also joined a Toastmasters because Toastmasters is notorious, they have, um, counters in there. So when you go to do your talks, they will count your arms. And there's this idea that you become aware of them. And the more you become aware of them, the easier it is to stop saying them this so and then you just try to improve based on your own your own baseline. So if in one, five minute speech, he said 10 times the next time, you're gonna want to get it down to like, five times or something like that. But the idea is that like, you know, I, there was a moment where I was just like, I shouldn't be podcasting, right. And that's just perfectionism at its worst. It's not a matter of you don't, you're not going to quit, right? You're just going to try to find ways to improve. 

Here's the tricky thing with perfectionism. It's a trap. It is a self defeating cycle, you are hyper vigilant of how others are perceiving you and how you are performing. And this leads to burnout, and burnout feels like failure. So I'm gonna say that, again, it's super vigilance, hyper vigilance of how you're being perceived, and how you're performing. And it leads to burnout. And burnout feels like failure. You are trying to uphold an image of what you want people to see. And you tend to overdo it and never want to let go. The problem is, this is this stifles creativity, right? If you're, if you're so stuck on getting things perfect all the time. Creativity has no space to bloom and grow there. And you my friend, as an interior designer, by nature are a creative individual, I believe everyone is creative. Some people are just more tapped into their creativity than not, but it can be cultivated in anyone. But as designers, we have a natural inclination towards creativity. But perfectionism is is really a creativity destroyer. 

So if you are like me and you find yourself getting stuck or trapped in these perfectionist, mental gymnastics, we're going to we're going to just talk about a couple of strategies that I've been working on myself and hoping that they make a difference, but the first one is clarifying the goal. So what is what is it that you're trying To achieve, maybe it's that you are trying to get your proposals for your clients more accurate, right? So that you're sending out proposals that where you're not going on over on hours, or where you're coming in under budget with your, with your hours, whatever the case may be. 

Clarifying the goal can just help you realize that, you know, this is just a series of little steps that you've got to try stuff to see what works and what doesn't. And I go saying again. So just getting clear on the goal can kind of help, whatever it is you're trying to work on, feel more attainable. Right now I'm working on putting together a new program for interior designers, and I'm working on this framework. And you know, the ultimate goal is to get this this course out, right. And just thinking about that feels really hard, it feels really far off, it feels like there's a million steps to get to that place where it's live, and it's launched and people can access it. And when I sit in, I clarify the goal, what I realized is, oh, my goal right now is just to focus on getting this framework dialed in, right? And so then it feels like okay, that's all I have to do right now, I that's all I have to do right now. And then I'll get on with the next step. And the next thing and so you may have a lot of things that you're working on in your business and with clients. And if you can clarify the goal, it can help you to prioritize what is the one thing you need to be focused on right now, I think that's such a big part of overwhelm. And burnout is we have competing goals, and we're not sure how to prioritize things. So maybe you need to just get a notebook out in journal a little bit and think about what might be you know, get clear on what that right next step is. And just focus on that for now. The other thing is to aim for excellence, not perfection. So I expect excellence in my business and I want to put out quality information and content.

I know that as designers we want you know a space or a project to to feel complete and be done and down to the brass tacks, right you want. You want all of it done beautifully and perfectly. And so my, my encouragement for you in this arena is to aim for excellence aim, aim to be great. But know that perfectionism is a perfect is just unattainable. And I love this next, this next thought is is around this idea of measuring your excellent in terms of progress? How well are you moving toward your goals and to your you want your you're aiming to better your own personal best. 

So let me give you an example. In designers oasis in the membership, we have this program or this course and I share this calculator that helps designers see their conversion rates. So how well are they converting website visitors into making? Booking a call? How good are you at getting quality leads out of those? What's your conversion rate for getting discovery calls to consultations and consultations to proposals and proposals accepted and new clients. And at each step of the way, there's kind of a conversion rate. And then there's a summary where you can see your your whole conversion rate. To me, this is a key performance indicator in your business. And so I wanted to teach them this piece of it and teach them how to use these, this conversion rate to help them understand how well they're doing in terms of these different milestones. And then if they see something falling off, they can say, oh, you know what, this is where I'm getting stuck. And this is where I need to improve. So if a if a if a designer sees their conversion rate is hovering around 20%, they may make it a personal goal to now, you know, this year, I want to average 30%. By the end of this or the middle of this year. Having some metrics, you know, in place, I think are a really great way to give yourself a baseline from which to improve. So there might be a number of ways that you're looking to improve conversion rates is a pretty straightforward one. But the idea is that you're measuring your success in terms of progress, and how well are you moving towards your goal in I think it's also important to take time not only to evaluate what opportunities exist for improvement, but also what you did well so You know, yes, opportunities for improvement are going to be everywhere all the time, but making sure that you're building in time to say, hey, you know what, we nailed this last project, or that was an effortless presentation that we just gave our clients, you know, whatever the case may be taking time to acknowledge what you've done well, also,

I just want to wrap up with this quote from an author's name is Adam Grant, and I loved this. He says the person he's a, by the way, former competitive diver. So you can imagine, from his perspective, you know, excellence and perfection was pretty important as a diver and getting scored in that way. So but he, this is what he says you're, the person you're competing against is your past self, and the bar you're raising is for your future self. And I just thought that beautifully summed up what it is we're talking about here today, in terms of, you know, raising the bar, aiming for excellence, aiming for perfection, excuse me, aiming for progress. And just identifying how well you're moving towards your goals and towards your own personal best. That de emphasizes this idea of comparing ourselves to others, you know, others that are also struggling, have struggled, we're not seeing that stuff on social media, we're not seeing it in the media at all. We're just seeing the end results. 

So realizing that the only thing we can really compare ourselves is where we are today, and where we're headed. And using that as a tool to get unstuck. And get out there, start getting your stuff out, start talking about what it is you do start playing big start aiming for those, those real juicy projects you really want to get your hands on, or the next League of clients that you're ready to serve, whatever the case may be. Just realizing that when you find yourself in this perfectionist trap that you've got some tools to help you get unstuck and move ahead and make progress. All right. Thanks for hanging out with me on this little shorty episode. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day and your week. And I will see you next time here on the Designers Oasis Podcast. Bye for now. 

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