EP #44 | Unraveling Busy with Molly Crouch
Welcome to the Designers Oasis podcast. I'm your host, Kate Bendewald, interior designer, mama and CEO of a thriving interior design business, built on authentic word of mouth referrals. It wasn't that long ago that I stepped away from my corporate architecture job to build my own dream, one that would allow me more time with the people that I love, the ability to serve my clients at the highest level, and to make a great living. It wasn't always easy, and I've made my share of mistakes along the way. Fast forward to today, and I've learned a thing or two. This podcast is for you - the inspired, creative, ambitious, and let's admit it, occasionally overwhelmed interior designer who shares this dream of transforming lives by transforming homes. Join me and my guests each week as we walk through practical ways to build an interior design business you love, and helps you transform your clients' lives. You can do this.
Kate Bendewald
Today, my guest is Molly Crouch - , Molly is a corporate ladder climber turned gentle living visionary who began to unravel the busyness of her own life after her youngest daughter was born. Now she serves as a co listener and coach for Busy Women who want to discover the rhythms, routines and rituals that lead it to a more sustainable life. Molly received her life coaching certification through Erickson Coaching International in 2020, and is a co host for a quarterly women's retreat called tonic and bloom, where guests are invited for a day of pause, play, and restoration. She lives with her husband and four children, you know the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains in Charlottesville, Virginia. Today, we are here to talk about how rituals, routines and rhythms can help you create a more sustainable business. Molly believes that it is important to reframe our view of our relationship to the world, our clients, our families, our friends, so that we can find more balance. Please welcome Molly crouch to the podcast. Hi, Molly, how are you?
Molly Crouch
Hey, Kate, I'm so happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Oh,
Kate Bendewald
I am thrilled to have you welcome. I May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I can't talk mental health awareness. And so we're thrilled that you are here to help us kick things off. So thank you so much for joining us. i We actually had you planned for what to say like they're a little bit earlier a little bit later. It's like no, no, no, this is perfect. We're gonna, what mental health is a side topic that we talk about here on the podcast, in addition to all things interior design business, and so when I first learned about you and what you're doing, I was very thrilled to to hear more. So thank you so much. We're happy to have you. Oh,
Molly Crouch
thank you so much. And I have to tell you straight out of the gate, three of the women dearest in my life are interior designers and I don't know how we've attracted, you know, to each other, but truly the dearest the dearest women. I love that I love being on here for that reason.
Kate Bendewald
Oh great. Well, well, you're surrounded by interior designers today. So they're gonna be they're gonna be thrilled to hear from you. So I want to start things off with I love a good I love a good backstory. So I understand that you are mom to four kiddos that spans 10 years is that correct?
Molly Crouch
Yes, I have a daughter in kindergarten and I just took my oldest daughter over spring break to college tours. So if that gives you any sense of the world, I'm living in that That about wraps it up.
Kate Bendewald
Um, I my oldest daughter just turned 10 So that would be the equip One of me basically having a child now and and they are my as I have to they're three years apart. I remember when my second was born, I felt I was like, Oh my gosh, we're starting all over. We're starting from scratch.
Speaker 2
And so yeah, having a 10 year old and the idea of all of a sudden have, I'm sure my kids would love it. They'd be like, Yeah, this is fun. But that's, that does put some perspective on it for me for sure. So tell me about I want to hear your story and how you found yourself in this line of work and what you do.
Molly Crouch
Yeah, so back in 2016, my husband and I both had just really, really full careers, I was a marketing director for a private school in Charlottesville. He was traveling internationally for his work, we were just careers alone, we were very full. We were always producing, we were answering to people, we had deadlines, we had very little margin. Meanwhile, our three children are, you know, in those growing up years, I have a set of twins, they were five years old at the time, we decided that evidently you throw your kids into every sport possibly offered. So we were doing that our oldest daughter was tracking with sports and activities as well. We just have very little room for error. So I don't know if this rings true or relates. But it's like if one little thing fell off in a week, the whole, you know, the this whole thing that you created just kind of starts to disintegrate and fall apart. And that's where we were. And then that April, we found out that we were pregnant. And that's our that's our Winnie that's my kindergartner now, and it's it was, what I can look back and say is that it was an absolute gift. Because it totally stopped us in our tracks. But what I would say at the time, is that it was the ultimate disruption. And I know that's a really crass way of naming a child. But it was like, this ultimate thing that just stopped us and made us ask ourselves, what are we doing? What are like what is this that we're doing when we can't be can't make room in this current way that we're living for any margin, much less another life. And so it was a slow, but intentional, I call it an unraveling of busy, where we made some really hard choices, some of them in our careers, many of them in the activities, that we were involved in both volunteer and our kids activities. We made hard choices, we disappointed a ton of people. And I would not go back and do it any other way. It was the best thing that could have happened to our family, that little life was the best thing but also saying that the way that we're living is not sustainable. And we've got to make some changes. And so over time, and how that aligns with my current work is that over time, Kate, other women started to recognize what was a softer version of Molly and a version that can say what I needed, or say No, when asked to do things. And I started getting those questions from other high achieving women because I was running with them, you know, high achieving women who said, How are you doing that? Like, what, what you do? What are you doing? And I started hearing their stories, which were so beautiful, and we're, you know, very similar to my own. And I began to think that maybe in a professional capacity, co listening with women to say, Who am I becoming over time? Am I doing this in a way that feels true to me and to my family? Those are kind of the central questions that we wrestle with in a coaching relationship. So I did a coaching academy. I got my certification, and I'm certainly honored to get to sit with women through these questions.
Kate Bendewald
Oh my goodness, this is hitting close to home for me right now. Oh, I there's so much that you just said that. I want to kinda try to go back to and try to try to stay focused because I there, I heard a lot of my own story. And I and I will say that over the years, I have been pretty proud of myself at being able to hire and learn to delegate better. And to. Just this week, I was listening to Dan Sullivan, who's all about who not how is this gonna get done. And I found myself on Monday and our Monday meeting, you know, just delegating left and right. And so it's not something that I'm terrible at, but I am an Enneagram seven. And if you're familiar with the Enneagram types, that is the enthusiast in so. So as an enthusiast, which I love being a seven, you know, we're light hearted, we like to have a good time. But we have shiny object syndrome, we like to do it all we are full of ideas are always on the go. And when we're being a healthy seven that that can be really cool, right? There's, there's a lot of cool things that can happen. But an unhealthy and unintegrated seven, can often find themselves with too many pots on the stove. And just you know all all the metaphors burning the candle at both ends of the stick. And in. So that is definitely something that I am guilty of. And so while I can delegate at the same time, I'm also like drumming up other things. And so yeah, and I was recently just to be totally transparent. And Frank, I was recently doing some work with my therapist on this. And, you know, we were talking about, I've gotten to the point with her what I've realized where this came from, right, I've diagnosed, okay, I'm an over funktioner, right. And I understand how this came to be and how I came to have these habits. And so I'm at this place personally, where I'm like, Okay, now that I know this, that solves the knowledge problem now what? Right, and so I think this might be where Molly comes in, and can sort of shed some light on how do you how do you manage that on a day to day basis. And I'm gonna give you a an example of how this showed up for me recently. It was very recently, it was this weekend, and, you know, had been talking with my therapist about how I feel like, I have all the balls in the air. And you know, I'm running two businesses, we've got two kids, we're currently renovating our house, we have a robust social life, because we have meaningful friendships that we like to maintain our connections with. And I don't want that I don't want that to change, right? These are all good things I have, you know, this is not in any way complaining, I'm so grateful for everything that we have. But at the same time, on a day to day basis, it does feel like I'm juggling all the balls. I am the family calendar, I keep everybody where they're supposed to be when they're supposed to be there. And I feel like if I don't maintain that the wheels are gonna fall off, right. And I just, you know, is expressing this is it's just exhausting. And, and my husband is very supportive. I don't want to discredit him. He's very, very supportive. But what happened was soccer season started to kick off right when the renovation started to kick off. And so all the emails started to come in about soccer, and I just forwarded to my husband, I said, I need you to take on soccer, getting it paid, getting your signed up getting the stuff on the calendar, I just can't do that in general contractor renovation. We're not using a GC. I'm doing it. And so he said, Sure. So, Saturday morning, I get a text from one of my friends, whose child is also on the soccer team. And she said, I missed you at soccer practice this week. Are you going to be at the game today?
Kate Bendewald
Like I can, like my body just got physically hot, and I'm reliving this moment. And what what came over me was this feeling of shame and embarrassment. You know that we had missed this. And I looked up I was like what mileage? My husband like what happened? What's going on? We I asked you about this this last week. And it's not on the calendar, we missed the practice none nothing's on the calendar is. And he's just like, sorry, I forgot I got busy to write well, he's human too. He's also in the midst of his career. And he, you know, he fell off his radar, right? I'm not trying to throw him under the bus. But the point is the feeling that happened, I sat on my bed and I just teared up because I was mad at him. I was embarrassed that we missed it. And I just didn't know how to how to like make sense of it. And I just have to sit there for a moment and be like, You know what, it's okay. It's okay, right? It's okay. nobody's hurt. The, we're just gonna join him next week and we're gonna get going, like, I gotta go get our cleats and whatever, because of course, she's grown out of him, she's growing like a weed. But this isn't it, I say this story because I think you obviously know what I'm talking about. I think there's people that can relate that I, I am in this over functioning trap. And so now that I have this knowledge problem of this is what I do. And what I what happened was, it felt like validation. It's like, see, if I don't take care of it. shits gonna hit the fan. So, this was the point, this was for me, it was a lesson to like, you know why? It didn't hit the fan. Everybody's okay. You don't need to be embarrassed. And it's just like, we're just gonna go on and it's okay. So yes, I'm hoping we can kind of talk about this a little bit in Yeah. What would you say to somebody like this in my situation?
Molly Crouch
Well, we'd start with, right, what you said, Kate, is that, you know, the, the, our brains are always looking for evidence, right? With our beliefs, the things that we believe to be true. And so here, in this case, you got this tiny little bit of validation that said, See, if I don't do it, nobody will. And that repetitive thought becomes something that over time we begin to believe. So now, not only are all the balls in the air, but you are the one holding them. Because it's so much easier. And I find this maybe to be more true in our personal lives and our professional ones. Because we can delegate, we are learning that art. But in our personal lives, it's like, oh, no, I hold this. Because if I give that up, if I asked for what I need, is that going to fall through. And then I have those feelings of shame, that bodily sensation that you mentioned. So I would just first say to you, that this was one instance. But that our whole belief system is evidenced by many, many things that happen in our lives. So if you were my client, I would say let's not let this one thing kind of informed the whole of how you show up in your family, what you take on what you don't give over what you don't ask for help for for so that's the first thing. And then the second thing, just going with that, the balls in the air. I mean, it's such a good metaphor, right? Because it's such a good visual, you can kind of see it. And I would say that some of the things that we're juggling, Kate, are those balls are glass, and you can't let that fall, you know, if your kid has, I don't know a diagnosis, and you've got to get them to doctor's appointments. That's a glass ball that you're juggling that can't fall off. But some of those things are rubber. And they're going to bounce, and they're going to come back and you're going to catch him again. And so I think the work that we have to do, as over function errs because I certainly was to is first deciding what are the things? What are the things that matter most? And what can bounce, what can bounce to somebody else, what can bounce and be picked back up?
Kate Bendewald
In the air, I'm like, Yes. I love that. Our audience, we're very visual thinkers. I know. Yeah, I think that metaphor is gonna ring so true. I, to me, all the balls are glass, right? And that's how I've been operating.
Molly Crouch
And that's hard. That's hard to to view it that way. Because then like, there has to be room for error. There has to be that margin. And that's what we talk about. That's what we talk about a lot. There's I'm sure you've heard. And it is the download that I was sharing about with you. I'm sure you've heard about like the urgent important quadrant, that there are some things in our lives that are urgent and important. And when you think about that with work, I mean, you're your own contractor for your renovation so urgent and important. You know exactly which ones those things are because they're on a time basis. And then there are things that are not urgent, not important. Those are little time wasters. There are things that are important but not urgent. And those are the things that I find feel So we can push those things to the side. But they really are so meaningful, oftentimes they have to do with our family, or because it's mental health month, they're our own form of self care, you know, what is what isn't urgent, nobody's knocking on your door and asking you for the thing. But it's for you. And it's really important that you do that, that you prioritize your health, or that you make the appointment with the counselor, whatever that looks like for you. So it's sort of, if you find yourself in a place where all the balls are glass, that could be a good activity for you to do, because the truth is, they're not. The truth is, is that you do have some that are like the bouncy balls, and not everything's gonna fall apart, which is what happened with you at the soccer game, not everything fell apart, the child will go on to play soccer.
Kate Bendewald
Exact exactly, in even when I when I heard you first starting to explain that some of them are glass that my brain went to Oh, she's gonna say that the rest. Others are like film and they just fall to the ground. But you actually said rubber which means big bounce back and you get a second chance to catch them up since even it's even more specific.
Kate Bendewald
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Kate Bendewald
Yeah, I just I there's this really great Brene Brown podcast episode of On over functioning, and she shares her her own story there. But she, she also talks about how you know, this over functioning or under functioning, whatever the case may be, you know, we're talking about rhythms and routines, I want to get into that. But she talks about how anxiety is contagious. And so if I know the lot of the people listening, you know, you are, in some way a leader, whether that's a leader in your family and your business and your community. And so you kind of set the tone for the atmosphere in which you're leading, whether that's your household, or whatever the case may be your business. And so when I heard that, it it it elevated the importance for me to kind of figure this out and to get it right because if I am operating from a place that a I'm juggling all the balls be all the balls are glass, and see if the balls fall, everything falls apart. Right? And it's an it's for the folks listening, it's like client work thinking about your deadlines, thinking about the things that have to be ordered thinking about handling the issues that come in, you know, from damaged items or whatever, right? That's just the stuff going on at work. I'm not even talking about what happens in your home life or your community or whatever. That is unsustainable. And not only is it not sustainable for you, but anywhere you're showing up as a leader you are passing on because it's contagious anxiety to the people around you. And so not only do you deserve it, I'm saying this because I want to talk about how important it is to I want to hear more from you about these rhythms and routines, because it's a responsibility, I feel like we have to give ourselves some more grace, and to find ways to work in a more sustainable way. Because not only do do we deserve that, but the people around us, children especially deserve to have an environment that feels relaxing and peaceful and at ease. And if we're constantly, you know, vibing up here in this level of Yes, of anxiousness, then you know, it's not good for anybody. So let's move let's move into this idea of rhythms and routines. Can you say, Okay, we've acknowledged that we've been operating as high, high functional traits, say high functioning over function? What does that look like on a day to day basis to start to be more mindful and change some of your practices? Can you share some some of your thoughts on that?
Molly Crouch
Yeah, well, it's the same thing that I would say, even that you mentioned about, you know, the anxiousness, which is really not being I mean, anxiety, and over functioning is a production of hyper arousal in our body, like, I can't find the ground, I'm always spun up. And so the opposite of that is like finding the ground the groundedness. To me, that's kindness to myself. I mean, that really, when I, when I really think about it in like a, like a more holistic way, I am being kind to myself, when I can put my feet on the ground. And sometimes that is physically going outside and putting my feet on the ground. Like, there are those mindful activities that help us to feel like we're solid. So kindness to self. And then the second piece of that, that I talk about with a lot of my clients, and I've heard a few of your podcast episode. So I know you're talking about it to Kate is boundaries, boundaries in your business, and your life. With those clients that text you at seven o'clock on a Thursday night, when you're at the soccer practice with your kid or putting a little one to bed, like how you set up your life, which does intro me into rhythms and routines, but how you are setting up your life and the boundaries that you're putting up. It matters, it matters so much fear people. So rhythms and routines. And maybe this resonates with your audience, also, Kate can be here, a mantra, it can be you saying something like, I will not give the first fruits of my creativity to someone else today, I get the first fruits of that creative mind that I have. So what might that look like? And then you start thinking through what you know, my my client meetings start at nine o'clock in the morning. So maybe your routine where I get to be creative just for the sake of creativity, which is why I'm in this industry in the first place. Maybe that looks like how you set your morning up. Before all of that hustle and bustle starts. So in coaching, we talk about the rhythm, which is the thing that you do, over and over, it's predictable. And then the ritual is how you kind of signpost it like you say I when I do this thing. I'm going to do this every time and I'll give you a practical example because it's more helpful. So my rhythm that I do in the mornings, is I walk I take my daughter to the school bus at 650. In the dang morning. It's so early. I take her to the bus. And then I take the dog on a walk, I walk a mile and the sun is rising and it's really beautiful. So that's my rhythm. The routine is that I do it every day on the weekdays. So Monday through Friday, that's my routine. And I ritualize it because when I get to the end of my road, there's this beautiful barn on a hill. And I take I take a photo I always have my phone because I'm usually listening to a podcast or listening to music. And when I get to the end because the sky looks different every day is so beautiful. I wouldn't notice it if I weren't doing that. So I take a picture on my phone and that's My ritual, it's a way of saying, like, I am noticing this day, and I'm right here, I'm not a million miles ahead thinking about, you know, that meeting that I have at two o'clock. And I'm not, you know, I'm not thinking about yesterday, I'm just here. That's hard thing to do. But it can be so life giving, particularly for women who are entrepreneurs, and who are often thinking ahead and behind. So that's just that's just one example.
Kate Bendewald
Mm hmm. I love that. Yes, this is this is this is good for me to hear. Because I am a planner by nature. And I right now, I'm, you know, we, we live in Denver, and the summer camps here fill up really fast and really early. And so you know, January, it's when you start to think about summer camps and mapping out your plan. And I just, I joke to my husband, like, if I died, you would be sitting with the kids on the last day of school asking yourself, what, what's next where these guys can go for the summer? Work, I thought he I figured that out in January, you shouldn't be so lucky. Get out, we divvy up the responsibilities, and he has this thing. But that is literally, you know, I was I just had to chuckle at myself, because I was freaking out that like the last three weeks of school or excuse me, Summer, feel like your kids have a long as summer break ever. And, you know, they don't have anything, they don't have any summer camps. And they're, they just, it's like three weeks in August. And like, I can't even find any that are being hosted. It's like, I was freaking out like, what, what am I gonna do? It's like, it's March. Like, what if you just didn't work? What if you just took some time off? What if you just been a couple of weeks with your kids, you know, they're not getting any younger. And so that is, currently the goal is trying to figure out a way to to, you know, ramp up for ramping down for that those couple of weeks, and, you know, probably won't not work at all, but it'll, it'll look a little bit lighter. And I'm excited for that. And so that I was it was a proud moment for me to just like, three, think about how to treat that not to freak out that there's nobody else to take care of my kids instead, I their mother might take care of them for for a minute. So it's gonna be fun and in and I'm looking forward to it. But this, I want to go back to rhythms and rituals. And so you're saying that by creating some rituals and rhythms and routines that this is one of the ways that you can start to be present. And that is the antithesis of kind of the anxiety that ensues because anxiety is coming from thinking about the past or the future. And, and I know, if I were to really track it, I'm always like, No, I'm not just thinking about what's next on my list. But the thing after that, and the thing after that, and the thing, our
Molly Crouch
and so and that's and that's by nature of of your business case, and I think that's okay, like what we're not talking about here is rolling back your life to a point where you're no longer thinking those few steps ahead, because that's just the nature of your business, what a rhythm and a ritual gives you, it's just the ability to pay attention. So it really is, you know, all mindfulness is about I mean, grounding and noticing. You know, that's what somebody who's teaching mindfulness is telling you to like, hold a rock in your hand and, and really just like feel that because it's right there in the moment. So I think what I would say is that there are times during your day, where of course, you're thinking, whew, I don't know how far ahead you have to plan maybe a year if you're talking about projects, who knows? But but can you also just be present in your day, and that's what the rhythms and the rituals give. So, another example is a woman that I'm coaching right now where we're talking about her shutdown routine at the end of the day. And so this is a little bit less personal and more business but like, physically closing her laptop and saying, I'm done with the day, you know, so speaking those words out loud so that when she does get those inevitable emails later in the evening, her pay is already done. She already said it. That's it. And so that's an intentionality that I think takes practice. But the ritual of closing the laptop and saying this day is done. Yeah, it's a, it's a kindness to you, and it's a kindness to your people. Because our kids, I mean, they're, they're watching and what's cool is that they're watching you, their mom be amazing, and, you know, having this successful business. And so how much more are you showing them, when you can say, you know, those three weeks in the summer, I'm gonna do this business, I need to work for a couple hours in the morning, and this is what you can do while I'm doing that, but then I'm yours. And this is, you know, this is a, this is a thing we do together, this this relationship. I think that's really beautiful that they can see both.
Kate Bendewald
Yeah, yeah, it's a good reminder, it it really is because they are ultimately why I chose to go work for myself. And, and you know, what, in what I'm hearing right now, and I think everyone listening will appreciate is like, a part of being mindfulness is just noticing, and I and I, I know that I have in the past, I Well, I actually do have routines and rhythms in there are times where I'm, you know, feeling good, well rested. And those routines and rhythms are happening, and they're and I'm in, I'm doing them, I have a pretty solid weekly routine that I that I stick to the daily routines could probably, you know, be a little better, but I'm not gonna beat myself up over it. But when I'm doing well, those weekly routines really, really served me well, so that I can stay focused and I can serve my clients and my and my people here of course, designers Oasis, within the membership. And so I'm I'm just recognizing the importance of, of doing that on a regular basis. And for me, it's visual, I have a couple of visual tools that I use to help me stay you know, mindful of my week, you know, my my Mondays are get gets get set up for the week. And it's you could kind of look at it like a bell curve. And Tuesdays is where I have a lot of phone calls and meetings. And Wednesdays I try to either I'm doing podcast recording, or I'm doing like deep work that requires deep creativity, deep focus. So no phone calls, no meetings, no errands, that kind of thing. And then as my week winds down, I'm buttoning up things from earlier in the week and in specially this time of year in the spring, trying to take some time off on Fridays, especially in the afternoons, because gardening is really important to me. And so spending time in my garden and getting that ready is so so important part of my week, so I want to go back to something else she said was around people pleasing. I, I talk to a lot of the designers in our community, and I know that people pleasing is something that we're, we can all, I think relate to. So I think we need to adjust that. Because if we're going to have if we're going to create routines and rhythms for ourselves, and you said this at the top of our conversation, then it's going to require us to be more conscientious of our people pleasing habits. So what would you say to the people pleaser? who's listening? The one who doesn't like to disappoint people? How do they start to move away from constantly saying yes, and learn to have discernment and agency? And to know when to say yes. And when to say no.
Molly Crouch
I always say disappoint your people, the least, if you can help it at all. If there if you could see like these concentric circles, your people are are in the middle. Those are the people you disappoint the least. And then it moves out and then it moves out and then it moves out. It's just another visual way to look at it. But people pleasing is tricky, because it's so ingrained. And if it's ingrained in any kind of previously corporate way where you literally are pleasing the people because you're answering to them and they're your boss and now all of a sudden, like here you are, you're your own boss. You can take a lot of that with you. And so there's a shedding that gets to happen, where we get to say What am I doing this work for? Who am I? Who am I doing this work for? What was your quote? It's the who? Not the how
Kate Bendewald
or something? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Molly Crouch
But I think that, um, I think that the people pleasing among us are often the people that are finding it hardest to set the boundaries. And so I just really feel like starting with that, that interior circle and saying, These are the people that I'm going to disappoint the least, is a good place to start. And then saying no, is we have to practice it. There's no easy way to do it. But what I tell my coaching clients when we are working through a season of no with people, and it's not going to come easy, it's actually going to be super painful. But there is a place where you can get to where you say no, and there's no further explanation needed. And that feels really hard at first, because you want to say, well, I can't do it. And here's the five reasons why, you know, there, I can't get back to you by Wednesday, because I actually have these seven other projects, and they're taking all my time. And if you practice long enough, on the know, then there will come a point where you'll say, I can't get to your project on Wednesday. I'll be back with you on Friday. You know, yeah, yeah, that that takes so much time and intentionality. It's practice more than anything else. I mean, I could give you I could get, we could walk through a list, but at the end of the day, it's just practicing it just practicing saying no,
Kate Bendewald
yeah, I, we do talk about this in business quite a bit. One of the exercises that we have inside the my my program is last year, I took a number of tools that I haven't I put it together in one. So it's all kind of works together. And it's called the CEO toolkit. And the way that it starts out is it starts with your personal life. And I'm seeing how this all fits into what you're talking about. And I'm really good at that big, big picture, kind of like, let's just map things out, and then get granular from there. But it starts with taking. You know, I tell people, if you've looked at your calendar for the year and in, you might not know exactly when you want to take a vacation, but you might say, you know, somewhere in March, I want to take off some time, maybe it's for your kids spring break or whatever, maybe you want to take off, I really get into Christmas. And so I take a solid, you know, three or four weeks off during the holidays, and it's a really important part of, of our family, just our traditions, and resting and reflecting and kicking off the new year in a in a healthy way. And so it starts by taking a look at your overall lifestyle and what it is that you want, what how you want it to look and, and just printing out, I have a calendar for the year and you print it out and you just start marking off, you know, some of this time, right. And I've done that for this year. I didn't do it for August. So that's why I'm having to recalibrate a little bit. But and so this helps you understand your capacity, right for work better. And then the tool goes into. Okay, so now that you've blocked that out your your your personal time, then you can put it on this little tool that I have that helps you visually see how much time and room you have left for your your client work. And so when you get a client that comes through the door, and I say if it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no. Thanks. So if you know if they come through and you're already feeling crunched on your deadlines for your client work, you have to decide is this project, a project that's going to it's got to do a couple of things for you one, it's obviously it's got to be it's got to pay the bills, it's got to be financially a good worthwhile project, but also it needs to light you up creatively it needs to be something that's going to really really excite you. And you know people the kind of people that you really want to spend time working with. And and then if it doesn't fit in your current calendar there, there are some ways to kind of bring them into the fold and put them on a waitlist that allows you to say to them, yes, but not yet. But if there if it's not saying yes to those other things too, then it's not. It might not be a good fit for you and you can leave that door open for some other projects that are going to really, really light you up. And so it this is helping to give folks a fill to, in order to say no to projects, and you've got designers, for friends who are designers, so they can probably attest to this. But especially today, projects take a really long time. Especially if you're doing full service, and so you're engaging with somebody on a really intimate level. It's a long term commitment, right? It's a long term engagement. If you're doing full service, it's at least six months, but depending on the size of the project could be a year or two or more. And so the importance of saying yes to the right people, and the right projects is really important. Because you're, you're investing in them just as much as they're investing in you. And you don't want to be in a long term engagement with somebody who is a toxic relationship, a toxic personality, and so that the people pleasers, this, it can be really difficult to say no, especially when somebody is offering to pay you right? And especially if you're just getting started in, in this industry, and you're you know, there are times when you're gonna say yes to projects, that might not be ideal, right. But there does become this point where you start to have a little bit more, hopefully, financial freedom to pick and choose your projects. Right. That's, that's the goal, but getting comfortable with disappointing people. I love what you're saying to me is really refreshing because it's underscoring the fact that like, There's no way around this, you can't tiptoe your way through these uncomfortable moments of saying no disappointing people. You just have to do it. Right. And I found that the, you know, when I started to say no to projects, it was an instant feeling of just like, Ah, you feel you feel good, right. And so I've had a lot of conversations with designers who are struggling with, you know, whether or not to take a project. And it's like, you just do a gut check. If Yeah, if you said no tomorrow and said, No, this isn't a good fit for me, how would you feel? And the feeling is ease and peace? That's your answer. Yes.
Molly Crouch
I love that. And another way to look at that, too, Kate is if that thing got taken from you tomorrow, if that potential client walked away tomorrow, would you be ready? You know, is it heart wrenching? Or are you like, Oh, thank God. You know,
Kate Bendewald
I'm reminded of a reel that you just posted on your Instagram where you, somebody cancels a meeting, and you cross it out? And you're just like, laughing? You're like, yes, yes, I did a little bit on Monday, I was talking with mega, like, I got too many meetings, you've got to, we got to move some stuff around. And it got in there with some white space. And so yeah, oh, I could talk about this. At length with you. But we are out of time out. But I want to go in this without there's a couple of things, I want to make sure that people know about you. First of all, you have a really cool
Kate Bendewald
offer on your website. And we talked earlier about, you know, you talked about how traditional to do lists don't work and you have this quadrant. And so this is a to a way to organize your to dues that helps you to prioritize. And so that's something on your website, which will create a link to can you just kind of briefly chat about what what that tool is and how people can can use it.
Molly Crouch
Yep, so it's called the what matters list. And it really is a different way to organize your week, it walks through what I mentioned earlier, which are those four quadrants of urgent and important and it just uses that as a tool for people to be able to say what is it that matters most this week, and then to even drill down per day? What is the thing that matters most today? And you know, coming? Coming back to the end of the day, when I have this done? How will I feel? How will it how will it feel to have this thing done? And so it's not going to be you know, the running checklist that we're frantically trying to check off that's causing all the anxiety it's it is really a more holistic way to look at the week and then each day. I've been doing it now for a couple of months and I find that I still have a like a note that I keep in the Notes app on my phone where I'm like so my projects, these are my appointments. But as far as like what really matters this week, that's that's what I do that downloadable form so it is a free download. For anyone, and you can find that on my website or on Instagram.
Kate Bendewald
Perfect, we'll be sure to link to it in the show notes, I have just gotten my copy. And I am super excited to start utilizing this because it's definitely, this has been a season we've, internally, we've had a lot of projects going on. And we're just kind of all at the same time. And so we're hopefully getting to a point where we can start to roll it out and then take a minute, but it has been hard personally for me in this season with so much going on to to, to know what to prioritize and what to focus on and in everything can't have the same urgency. And so what I'm really excited about with this, this download that you offers, it's not only helping you to prioritize it, but it's asking you to go a step further and to think about how is it gonna make you feel. And so I'm really grateful that you have spent the time to put this together and offer to share it with us. So it's my pleasure. Yeah. And then the other thing I would love for you to share about and I cannot wait to come join you and one of these. I mentioned earlier, I have family visiting on the next as you host this workshop, and I can't go to either of the next two because I have family coming, which is a really good reason to not go. But I gotta get out for one of these. So you have a tonic, it's called tonic and bloom, and you host these workshops. So can you share more about your workshops?
Molly Crouch
Absolutely. So this is my best friend and I got together last year and we said, You know what? We feel like the world is opening back up. We want a space to gather women, we kept finding women saying I'm at a loss of community, I don't have people. I'm also tired, I don't play anymore. I don't do anything for myself anymore. And we said we've got to, we have a solution. She has this beautiful piece of property in Greenwood, Virginia, just outside of Charlottesville, and I'm a coach. And so we started the tonic and bloom retreat, which is a seasonal retreat for women that we host now every every season four times a year. And it's just really an opportunity to gather women together, they get a massage, they get an art they we do art, painting, a painting workshop, we have time for naps and crafts, and local delicious food. And so we're just really there to give you the best day of your life and send you on your way. Because it's this idea that you come you find what fills you up and what's life giving to you. And then you go back out to your people and you just bloom and flourish. And your people benefit so much from that. So it is a really it's a special event. And we'd love to
Speaker 2
have you Kate. sounds magical. My girlfriend was just over last night we had dinner with the kids out on the back patio last night and we were just her her little one is in preschool. And he's having a hard time going to sleep at night because he's still taking naps. And every day she picks him up. Teacher so I was like, Oh, he just had the best nap today. And we're both like Lucky him.
Kate Bendewald
So we we all can use a nap. And
Molly Crouch
we all need we all need. Yeah. Sounds like
Kate Bendewald
you've built this in. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well, Molly, tell folks where we can find you on line.
Molly Crouch
Absolutely. So my business is called in her company. I'm in her company.com. I'm also on Instagram at in her company and I offer one on one coaching. We'll be offering group group coaching starting this summer. And then of course, our tonic and bloom retreats. So it is it's a joy to listen along and serve women who are in this what I say is the busy beautiful, middle third of life, you know, you know, you don't know everything and you can't do everything anymore. And you just want to be open to who you're becoming. And those are the women that I serve.
Kate Bendewald
It is so beautiful and I'm hearing all that you're doing and in the back of my mind. I'm like she's doing this and she has all she has four kids. And she's saying though, like it's such an inspiration and you know what I hope people remember the most from this. I mean, there's so so many good nuggets here. But it's one of the things you said right at the very top and I hope people remember this is that you're you decide planted a lot of people, but at the same time, it sounds like you also, there were some people around you in your circle that started to take notice. And it was inspiring to them. And they were like, We don't know what you're doing. There's something happening here, but we want whatever it is. And so you might be disappointing some people in this journey of simplifying but know that you're, you're you can also do it and be you can earn the respect, you know of people who, who, whose opinion matters, right? Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank
Molly Crouch
you for saying that. Thank you,
Kate Bendewald
Molly. I can't wait to meet you in person one of these days enjoy the rest of this beautiful spring season and those walks and I'm, I know, I'm gonna be thinking about this conversation for a long time after after it's over. So thank you.
Molly Crouch
And happy Mental Health Awareness Month. Yeah. Beautiful month for you and for all of the listeners. Oh, wonderful.
Kate Bendewald
All right. Well, thank you have a great rest of your day. Bye for now. Thank you.
Kate Bendewald
Thank you so much for letting me spend part of this day with you. If you're loving this podcast, please share it with a friend who you think might also love it. Or perhaps you can take just 30 seconds to open your podcast app and leave us a five star rating. And if you have just an extra minute, go ahead and leave a review. This helps me so much and it helps other designers like you to find the podcast. It also adds fuel to my motivation to keep making great episodes just for you. However you choose to help. Please know I appreciate you so very much. Thank you, my friend. Have a wonderful rest of your day and I'll see you next time.
